I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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