47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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