I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
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How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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