my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize