It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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