Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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