God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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