Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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