she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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