Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize