he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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