On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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