Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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