Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
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Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
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So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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