I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
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6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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