I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
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ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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