If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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