Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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