I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
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Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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