I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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