he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize