What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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