Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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