The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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