I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
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her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
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you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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