He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
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Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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