I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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