I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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