There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
They have beer where we have blood.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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