oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize