we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize