I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize