My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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