Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Is it because I queefed?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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