hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
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I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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