dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize