Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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