So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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