i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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