I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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