i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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