you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
handjob tips. give me some.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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