I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize