the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
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do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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