What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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