when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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