please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize