before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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