your thong is hanging out like whoa
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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