no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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